Tuesday Jun 22, 2010
Think happy thoughts...
...happy thoughts!
that's what you gotta do
Think happy thoughts
happy thoughts!
And a smile will come back to you
When you're alone and feeling sad
and you don't know what to do
when you can't sleep and feel lonely
Here's just what to do
-Muno, Yo Gabba Gabba
Fellow parents of preschoolers seem to fall into one of two categories ... those who love Yo Gabba Gabba, and those who think it's just too weird. My brother refers to it as an acid trip for sober grownups. Derek and I love it, and it's one of Jay's favorites. Actually, it's one of only two shows that he will watch (Fireman Sam is the other, but we find that Norman kid too annoying for words). While we are very restrictive on TV time, we do allow one brief, commercial-free episode (love me some On Demand!) while he does his nebulizer treatment before bed.
In tonight's Yo Gabba Gabba episode, Muno (the tall red cyclops that's in the Kia commercial) can't sleep, and he sings the song above. It just made me smile - it's such amazingly simple advice, but it's also so completely true. Blessings is just a grownup word for happy thoughts, and remembering to focus on those has been the only way I've survived the past week.
I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update, but I will say that I got in a deep funk and just didn't feel much like talking about it. I was pissed off at myself for not realizing there was a heart problem, for not trusting my gut to keep asking questions. I was pissed at my pediatrician. I was pissed at my boobs for not making enough milk for Luke. I was pissed at God for dumping yet another scary medical issue on my family. I was pissed that my birthday fell in the midst of all this junk. I was pretty much pissed at the universe for not being the way I wanted it to be. Not pretty, but that's what I was feeling.
After stewing in my own pissed-off-ness for a few days, I didn't feel better - I just felt cruddy. But one night when I couldn't sleep, I started to list all the good things in my life. It took me a while to get past the first few, but once I got on a roll, I realized that I still have lots of happy thoughts. I know it sounds cheesy, and frankly it is. But I'm gonna dwell on something. Might as well be happy thoughts. It's a blessing that we found this now, instead of when he's in more serious heart failure. It's a blessing that we have these 2 weeks to prepare for surgery and what's ahead. It's a blessing to have a beautiful infant whose smile lights up the room. It's a huge blessing to have a husband who is my strength when I want to bury my head under the covers and not come out until it's over. It's a blessing to have such a wonderful extended family and to have them close by. It's a blessing to have friends that bring Curious George Goes to the Hospital and flowers and pictures of their kids for Jay to look at. All of these are wonderful amazing things in my life, and I am keeping them front and center in my mind.
So, no news in the medical world, really. After getting the report from the surgeon in Charlotte, our cardiologist wanted another opinion from a surgeon in Philadelphia. That seems very far away, but if you're going to be away from Raleigh, there's not much difference in being 3 hours away or 7. He contacted that surgeon last week, but we still haven't heard from them. We don't know if we'd need to go there for further evaluation or whether the previous scans would be enough information for them. We desperately hope that they would have a better chance of saving the heart valve that he has. But the truth is, no one can promise anything.
Jay is doing fantastic. He's had different sitters every day for the past week and a half, and he's had loads of fun with each of them. It doesn't seem to matter whether he knows the person well or not ... he's eager to show off his favorite book (the Sears tool catalog) and his favorite toys (his drill bits) to anyone who will sit still and watch. The fact that he sends me off each day with a hearty "Go to work, Mommy!" is a happy thought too. He's happy, so I can be happy too.
Posted at 09:53PM Jun 22, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[6]
Comments:
Happy thoughts....happy thoughts....happy thoughts!! Might as well do something we DO have control over....being the control freaks some of us are!! LYTB - AJ
Posted by jeannette johnson on June 23, 2010 at 05:18 PM EDT #
I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this! I know if it was me, I'd be pissed off too. Keep us posted on what ends up getting scheduled when.
Posted by Bethany Watkins on June 23, 2010 at 07:58 PM EDT #
You are allowed some pity time. But remember that you and your boys are on an awful lot of other people's "Count as a Blessing in my Life" list!
Posted by crystal on June 24, 2010 at 08:19 AM EDT #
Thanks for being real...
we don't have to "act" like everything's great when life takes a dramatic turn. But,"thinking happy thoughts" is always a plus! God will sustain...I'm praying for you. Love, Amanda Lockyer
Posted by Amanda Lockyer on June 24, 2010 at 11:19 AM EDT #
Jen, continue to keep your happy thoughts going even when it looks like there is nothing to be happy about. Remember that everyday is a blessing with renewed mercies. You are in my prayers and may God continue to bless you and keep you. Kiss my boyfriend for me and one day, I will get to meet my new potential boyfriend, Luke :)
Posted by Theresa on June 24, 2010 at 03:17 PM EDT #
Jen, thanks for sharing your thoughts! Having happy thoughts and counting blessings have always helped me throughout the years when I was mad at the world and down in the dumps for whatever I was going through. We just have to dwell on all the good things because life is not fair! We are all praying for you!
Take care.
Posted by Pat Miller Evans on June 24, 2010 at 07:51 PM EDT #
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Well I won't back down...
Thursday Jun 10, 2010
Well I won't back down...
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
-Tom Petty, I Won't Back Down
When we left the house this morning, I asked Derek how he was feeling about things. His response?
"Bring it on."
It's hard to describe in words the range of emotions that we've felt over the past 2 days. Shock. Fear. Guilt - how did we miss this?. Bigger fear. Gratitude for family and friends. Really big, punch-in-the-gut fear. But this morning we were both of the "Bring it On" mindset. We wanted some answers and wanted to have a plan for what is to come. And I think that after a VERY long day in the medical world, we're feeling a little more confident about the direction we're heading. That direction is to wait about 2 weeks for him to get beyond this most recent pneumonia episode and then do surgery at the end of June. You always want to go into surgery as healthy as you possibly can be, and this gives him the best opportunity for the fewest complications.
There were 2 things that really made me feel better about this approach. First, the surgeon said "This is urgent, but it's not an emergency." When Dr. M talked about sending us straight from the cardiology office to the hospital yesterday, I really freaked. But it's becoming more clear that this problem has been evolving over the past several months and didn't just appear this week. We just discovered it this week, and there's a big difference. Then, later in the day, the cardiologist said "He's the same kid that he was yesterday. Don't forget that." (I of course had to remind him that while HE may be the same, WE are not. We were pretty cool, laid-back parents yesterday. Today, we're tightly-wound bundles of nerves who are spoiling their son rotten in some misguided hope of shielding him from hurting.)
Our visit to Levine Children's Hospital was better than we expected. To start with, Jay was fantastic. He's been a little toddler-esque lately, having nuclear meltdowns over the fact that we're out of Cheddar Goldfish for example. So we were expecting that lack of food + no opportunity for nap + strange place + being poked & prodded = bad news for all involved. But he did great. He's far more brave than I am.
As for what we learned, the primary goal is to save the valve that Jay has and repair it, as opposed to putting in an artificial valve. It's always better to use what God gave you than to try and recreate the intricate machine that is the heart. But after today's echo, it's looking less likely that they can save it. They gave us 50/50 odds that they can repair the valve vs. put in a mechanical valve. I don't like those odds, but I can whine all I want and it won't change a thing. They will start surgery as a repair and try to make it work. But if they can't, a mechanical valve will last somewhere in the range of 300 years. Cool statistic ... except that he'll outgrow it when it still has 290 years left. Wonder what it'll be worth on Ebay?
That was another big piece of news - this surgery, whether repair or replace, will only be a temporary fix for 5-10 years. He's got a lot of growing to do, and carbon fiber parts just don't grow. While I was saddened and scared to hear that, in my "Bring It On" mentality, I'm glad to know what to expect.
So, that's our day in a nutshell. The most immediate hurdle is that our family needs to go into pseudo-isolation to keep Jay from being exposed to any germs. We were told to use "good judgment" in deciding where he can go ... whatever that means! No daycare, no church, no birthday parties and no ball pit at McDonald's. And, to make it even more exciting, he suggested we keep Luke out of daycare as well to keep him from bringing germs into our house.
We're not sure exactly how we're going to handle that and still remain gainfully employed. Gotta keep that health insurance, you know. We will certainly have to rely on others to get us through these next couple of weeks. We have been just overwhelmed with offers of help, with love and prayers. I don't even know how to thank you all for praying for us.
Posted at 11:00PM Jun 10, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[6]
Comments:
My 4 year old granddaughter had surgery for Chiari Malformation March 31. They had to open her skull, remove bone, cut & patch the dura around the brain, singe the cerebellum and drill a hole in her C1 vertebra. There was no other choice but surgery.
The fear is not just the outcome of surgery, but knowing what they will go through. They look at everything with innocence. They are happy to see the doctors and nurses and it’s a great adventure, but you know how they will feel when they wake up from surgery and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s heartbreaking!
But kids are resilient; Makayla wouldn’t even look at the surgeon when we left the hospital. For the 6 week checkup, she wanted to take him a thank you card and they just returned from her first trip to Disney World.
So have faith, Jay and all his family will be surrounded by love and prayers. Things will get better, he will feel better and he will be the same little boy you love.
Posted by Debbie Gilland on June 11, 2010 at 03:28 PM EDT #
Whaaaat? A fast food ball pit is nothing if not cleanly.
Glad you made it through the trip okay. :-) You must feel better just having a plan. I've been thinking about you guys!
Posted by Ginger on June 11, 2010 at 07:00 PM EDT #
Derek and Jen,
We just received word of this latest news and we are praying so hard for you guys! We know that Jay is a fighter and God is able--but we know that is scary and discouraging, too. We will pray every day for God to make the repair possible and we know--50/50 is big odd to our Big God! Love, Todd and Amanda Lockyer
Posted by Todd and Amanda Lockyer on June 15, 2010 at 03:37 PM EDT #
Dear Jen and Derek,
We were so sorry to hear about Jay. Wanted you to know that you are in our prayers daily and, as you already know, prayer is very powerful. Just keep the faith and he will be just fine. You are all so strong and God will give you strength to see you through. Take care and hang in there!
Posted by Pat Miller Evans on June 17, 2010 at 01:46 PM EDT #
Praying hard for everyone involved, Jay, his parents, his grandparents and Luke's other caregivers, Jay's doctors and nurses.
Have you set the surgery date yet? I can put it on my prayer calendar. You are all very brave, and you know if there is anything that we can do to make things easier, we'd be happy to.
Posted by Erin on June 21, 2010 at 03:16 PM EDT #
We are still praying for you all. When Jay was just a few hours old, the praying for Jay every time we picked up Grayson began, and the past days have been no different and will continue... we are going through a don't put me down stage again, guess that means don't quite praying and we won't. We love you all, and being a teacher with two kids in day care, means a hug is out of the question, but call me if you need me.
Posted by Melissa on June 21, 2010 at 03:30 PM EDT #
Well I won't back down...
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
-Tom Petty, I Won't Back Down
When we left the house this morning, I asked Derek how he was feeling about things. His response?
"Bring it on."
It's hard to describe in words the range of emotions that we've felt over the past 2 days. Shock. Fear. Guilt - how did we miss this?. Bigger fear. Gratitude for family and friends. Really big, punch-in-the-gut fear. But this morning we were both of the "Bring it On" mindset. We wanted some answers and wanted to have a plan for what is to come. And I think that after a VERY long day in the medical world, we're feeling a little more confident about the direction we're heading. That direction is to wait about 2 weeks for him to get beyond this most recent pneumonia episode and then do surgery at the end of June. You always want to go into surgery as healthy as you possibly can be, and this gives him the best opportunity for the fewest complications.
There were 2 things that really made me feel better about this approach. First, the surgeon said "This is urgent, but it's not an emergency." When Dr. M talked about sending us straight from the cardiology office to the hospital yesterday, I really freaked. But it's becoming more clear that this problem has been evolving over the past several months and didn't just appear this week. We just discovered it this week, and there's a big difference. Then, later in the day, the cardiologist said "He's the same kid that he was yesterday. Don't forget that." (I of course had to remind him that while HE may be the same, WE are not. We were pretty cool, laid-back parents yesterday. Today, we're tightly-wound bundles of nerves who are spoiling their son rotten in some misguided hope of shielding him from hurting.)
Our visit to Levine Children's Hospital was better than we expected. To start with, Jay was fantastic. He's been a little toddler-esque lately, having nuclear meltdowns over the fact that we're out of Cheddar Goldfish for example. So we were expecting that lack of food + no opportunity for nap + strange place + being poked & prodded = bad news for all involved. But he did great. He's far more brave than I am.
As for what we learned, the primary goal is to save the valve that Jay has and repair it, as opposed to putting in an artificial valve. It's always better to use what God gave you than to try and recreate the intricate machine that is the heart. But after today's echo, it's looking less likely that they can save it. They gave us 50/50 odds that they can repair the valve vs. put in a mechanical valve. I don't like those odds, but I can whine all I want and it won't change a thing. They will start surgery as a repair and try to make it work. But if they can't, a mechanical valve will last somewhere in the range of 300 years. Cool statistic ... except that he'll outgrow it when it still has 290 years left. Wonder what it'll be worth on Ebay?
That was another big piece of news - this surgery, whether repair or replace, will only be a temporary fix for 5-10 years. He's got a lot of growing to do, and carbon fiber parts just don't grow. While I was saddened and scared to hear that, in my "Bring It On" mentality, I'm glad to know what to expect.
So, that's our day in a nutshell. The most immediate hurdle is that our family needs to go into pseudo-isolation to keep Jay from being exposed to any germs. We were told to use "good judgment" in deciding where he can go ... whatever that means! No daycare, no church, no birthday parties and no ball pit at McDonald's. And, to make it even more exciting, he suggested we keep Luke out of daycare as well to keep him from bringing germs into our house.
We're not sure exactly how we're going to handle that and still remain gainfully employed. Gotta keep that health insurance, you know. We will certainly have to rely on others to get us through these next couple of weeks. We have been just overwhelmed with offers of help, with love and prayers. I don't even know how to thank you all for praying for us.
Posted at 11:00PM Jun 10, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[6]
Comments:
My 4 year old granddaughter had surgery for Chiari Malformation March 31. They had to open her skull, remove bone, cut & patch the dura around the brain, singe the cerebellum and drill a hole in her C1 vertebra. There was no other choice but surgery.
The fear is not just the outcome of surgery, but knowing what they will go through. They look at everything with innocence. They are happy to see the doctors and nurses and it’s a great adventure, but you know how they will feel when they wake up from surgery and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s heartbreaking!
But kids are resilient; Makayla wouldn’t even look at the surgeon when we left the hospital. For the 6 week checkup, she wanted to take him a thank you card and they just returned from her first trip to Disney World.
So have faith, Jay and all his family will be surrounded by love and prayers. Things will get better, he will feel better and he will be the same little boy you love.
Posted by Debbie Gilland on June 11, 2010 at 03:28 PM EDT #
Whaaaat? A fast food ball pit is nothing if not cleanly.
Glad you made it through the trip okay. :-) You must feel better just having a plan. I've been thinking about you guys!
Posted by Ginger on June 11, 2010 at 07:00 PM EDT #
Derek and Jen,
We just received word of this latest news and we are praying so hard for you guys! We know that Jay is a fighter and God is able--but we know that is scary and discouraging, too. We will pray every day for God to make the repair possible and we know--50/50 is big odd to our Big God! Love, Todd and Amanda Lockyer
Posted by Todd and Amanda Lockyer on June 15, 2010 at 03:37 PM EDT #
Dear Jen and Derek,
We were so sorry to hear about Jay. Wanted you to know that you are in our prayers daily and, as you already know, prayer is very powerful. Just keep the faith and he will be just fine. You are all so strong and God will give you strength to see you through. Take care and hang in there!
Posted by Pat Miller Evans on June 17, 2010 at 01:46 PM EDT #
Praying hard for everyone involved, Jay, his parents, his grandparents and Luke's other caregivers, Jay's doctors and nurses.
Have you set the surgery date yet? I can put it on my prayer calendar. You are all very brave, and you know if there is anything that we can do to make things easier, we'd be happy to.
Posted by Erin on June 21, 2010 at 03:16 PM EDT #
We are still praying for you all. When Jay was just a few hours old, the praying for Jay every time we picked up Grayson began, and the past days have been no different and will continue... we are going through a don't put me down stage again, guess that means don't quite praying and we won't. We love you all, and being a teacher with two kids in day care, means a hug is out of the question, but call me if you need me.
Posted by Melissa on June 21, 2010 at 03:30 PM EDT #
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Don't tell my heart...
Wednesday Jun 09, 2010
Don't tell my heart...
...my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
-Achy Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus
Many of my readers came across my blog in the first place because we used it as a way to communicate with family and friends when I was pregnant with Jay, and more importantly, when he was in the PICU at Duke facing heart surgery as a newborn. I've used it since to share details of our lives as we stumbled through parenthood, and to show off a pic here and there. It's now coming full circle and I need to use this space to let you know about a really difficult day we had and some really scary days that are to come.
Today, we went for Jay's regular check-up with his cardiologist. These are usually smooth as silk ... listen to his ticker, do an echocardiogram, tell us his aorta is still flowing beautifully and send us on our way. Today's visit was very different.
We've been fighting recurring pneumonia for several months. Jay will be doing great, start to get a little cold, then WHAM he's got pneumonia. But after a course of antibiotics, he's better and we move on our merry way. He had another very sudden episode on Sunday, and that makes the 3rd pneumonia in as many months. (So that's what having a little brother does to you, huh?) We'd talked with the pediatrician about it, and he was quite confident that it was not a heart issue, but he suggested we talk it over with his cardiologist just for confirmation. Dr. Cardio's immediate response was that it was NOT a heart problem, and said that he would try to get us an earlier appointment with an immunologist. There are some immune issues that are connected to heart problems, so everyone was looking to that as the problem. Then he went about his usual routine, listening to his heart.
Unfortunately, what he heard wasn't normal, and what he saw on the echocardiogram was really really really not normal. In fact, it was really bad. His mitral valve is significantly narrowed, which means blood doesn't move through the heart correctly. And, more significantly, the valve is leaking which means blood is moving the wrong direction and causing fluid to back up into his lungs. The fact that he constantly has fluid in his lungs is the reason for the frequent lung infections. No one seems to know why this has changed so significantly in the past 6 months. It was not there when he was born, and there is no good explanation for what caused this major valve problem.
The solution to the two mitral valve problems is open heart surgery. We hope that the surgeon will be able to use the valve that he's got and repair it to normal function. If he isn't able to do that, an artificial (mechanical) valve would be required. Repair of his existing valve has a much better long-term prognosis in terms of quality of life.
Because this is a much more unusual problem than the coarctation that was corrected as a baby, our cardiologist is recommending that we see a heart surgeon in Charlotte at Levine Children's Hospital. We are leaving tomorrow morning to meet with him and have additional testing done, including a 3-D echocardiogram which will be done while he's sedated. We hope that will give us a much better understanding of what's going on and what the surgical repair will involve. Surgery may be scheduled as early as next Monday or possibly a few weeks later if he's stable. We will update the blog when we know more.
It's important to note that Jay *feels* fine. He's happy, not in pain, and not showing any signs that this is as serious as it is. He thinks he's going on a fun trip with Mom & Dad tomorrow and while he seems to understand that we're stressed out, he's his typical happy toddler self. Derek and I are (understandably!) freaking out and trying to keep a calm exterior. Sometimes we succeed better than others. Luke is staying in Raleigh for tomorrow's trip to get some extra special attention from LaLa and Popper. If we end up staying longer in Charlotte, they will bring him to be with us.
We covet your prayers - for Jay's health, for guidance as we make decisions about treatment, for the doctors to understand the complex problems and how to heal our baby. Thanks for being the kind of supportive friends and family we can rely on when the wheels fall off the wagon.
Posted at 10:32PM Jun 09, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[20]
Comments:
Dennis shared with me yesterday that Jay had pneumonia again and all I could say was "that's not good". Correlation to the heart was unexpected. Although it was not as obvious to even the most educated (Dr's) at first, it was not a surprise to our God. Jay is in the Lord's hands and we are praying for you all and Jay, who is constantly a blessing to all who meet him.
Posted by Great Aunt Ali on June 09, 2010 at 10:54 PM EDT #
Oh my gosh! I hate this for you guys and for Jay. You will all definitely be in my prayers.
Do you remember my suitemate Jennifer? Her husband had a really bad heart problem when he was little. He had to go through open heart surgery when he was probably just about Jay's age. She has told me how scary it was for his family while they were going through it. The good news is he's great - and that was probably over 30 years ago! Think of all the medical advances since then. I will be thinking about you guys!!!
Posted by Ginger on June 09, 2010 at 11:03 PM EDT #
We will definitely be keeping you in our prayers. I know that Dr. M is doing what is best by referring you to the new doctors. If he says they're great, I'm sure they're the best! Travel safe! Lots of hugs!
Posted by Cynthia on June 09, 2010 at 11:21 PM EDT #
Dear, Dear, Dear Jen, Derek, Jay and Luke,
You all will be in my prayers and I know God will be holding you all in the palms of His hands. I wish you weren't having to go through this and if there is anything at all I can do, please let me know!
Love and God bless you all,
Susie
Posted by Susie on June 10, 2010 at 02:25 AM EDT #
Jen and Derek,
You've been in my thoughts constantly since I read this post last night. I'm sending you love and prayers for a swift and permanent recovery. I shared your beach pictures with my mom the other day and her first comment was how happy Jay looked. Keep that in mind over the difficult days and weeks ahead. He's so lucky to have you-keep up your strength.
With love,
Katrine
Posted by Katrine on June 10, 2010 at 07:26 AM EDT #
We will continue to pray. Know that there are many there for you - to support and uplift even when you can't physically see us in Charlotte.
Posted by Lisa on June 10, 2010 at 07:31 AM EDT #
If you guys need a place to stay, we're not far from Charolotte. Or if you need anything, you can give me a call and I can bring it to you (336.413.0326)
I hope all goes well with the little guy. He really stole my heart the day I saw him a few weeks ago!
Posted by Erin on June 10, 2010 at 07:40 AM EDT #
We're thinking of you guys!
Posted by Stacy on June 10, 2010 at 09:15 AM EDT #
PRAYING, PRAYING, PRAYING ... for peace for you & Derek, wisdom for the new surgeon, and a healthy little boy at the end of all this!
Posted by Joye on June 10, 2010 at 10:07 AM EDT #
Jay's best friend Oren sends hugs and prayers your way!
Posted by Oie Osterkamp on June 10, 2010 at 10:15 AM EDT #
Jen and Derek,
I really enjoy hanging out with Jay in extended session. He is an incredible child. Of course, you already know this. We will be praying for Jay and your family as he goes through another stressful surgery.
Posted by Sean Toomey on June 10, 2010 at 10:36 AM EDT #
Oh Jen, I am so sorry to hear of this news. I got D's email this morning and just finished reading your blog details. I'm glad you all have a plan that is coming together. I will be praying for every doctor and nurse that you meet, and especially for you guys. You all have been and will be on my mind often. Let us know if we can help out in some other way as well. Love and hugs to you all.
Rebecca
Posted by Rebecca Sasser on June 10, 2010 at 12:05 PM EDT #
Jen and Derek,
I really enjoy hanging out with Jay in extended session. He is an incredible child. Of course, you already know this. We will be praying for Jay and your family as he goes through another stressful surgery.
Posted by Sean Toomey on June 10, 2010 at 12:14 PM EDT #
You can send Jay a message by going to: https://www.levinechildrenshospital.org/secure_custom_body.cfm?customPage=actEmailAChild
May God watch over your family and bring you through this with an even stronger faith!
Posted by Bethany Watkins on June 10, 2010 at 12:35 PM EDT #
I will keep Jay and all of you in my prayers.
Posted by Debbie Gilland on June 10, 2010 at 01:09 PM EDT #
We'll just have to put the wheels back on and circle the wagons! We'll surround you and your family with love and prayers.
Love you, Annie
Posted by Annie on June 10, 2010 at 02:20 PM EDT #
Jen, Derek, Jay & Luke:
I will keep you all in my prayers. Take Care, Sylvia.
Posted by Sylvia Mc on June 10, 2010 at 03:06 PM EDT #
Jen and Derek,
I really enjoy hanging out with Jay in extended session. He is an incredible child. Of course, you already know this. We will be praying for Jay and your family as he goes through another stressful surgery.
Posted by Sean Toomey on June 10, 2010 at 04:56 PM EDT #
Jen and Derek,
Just wanted you to know that we are praying for you, Jay and your entire family during this time. Hope your visits in Charlotte go okay. Please keep us all updated so we can continue to pray!
Posted by Emily and Brian Moore on June 10, 2010 at 10:38 PM EDT #
Don't tell my heart...
...my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
-Achy Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus
Many of my readers came across my blog in the first place because we used it as a way to communicate with family and friends when I was pregnant with Jay, and more importantly, when he was in the PICU at Duke facing heart surgery as a newborn. I've used it since to share details of our lives as we stumbled through parenthood, and to show off a pic here and there. It's now coming full circle and I need to use this space to let you know about a really difficult day we had and some really scary days that are to come.
Today, we went for Jay's regular check-up with his cardiologist. These are usually smooth as silk ... listen to his ticker, do an echocardiogram, tell us his aorta is still flowing beautifully and send us on our way. Today's visit was very different.
We've been fighting recurring pneumonia for several months. Jay will be doing great, start to get a little cold, then WHAM he's got pneumonia. But after a course of antibiotics, he's better and we move on our merry way. He had another very sudden episode on Sunday, and that makes the 3rd pneumonia in as many months. (So that's what having a little brother does to you, huh?) We'd talked with the pediatrician about it, and he was quite confident that it was not a heart issue, but he suggested we talk it over with his cardiologist just for confirmation. Dr. Cardio's immediate response was that it was NOT a heart problem, and said that he would try to get us an earlier appointment with an immunologist. There are some immune issues that are connected to heart problems, so everyone was looking to that as the problem. Then he went about his usual routine, listening to his heart.
Unfortunately, what he heard wasn't normal, and what he saw on the echocardiogram was really really really not normal. In fact, it was really bad. His mitral valve is significantly narrowed, which means blood doesn't move through the heart correctly. And, more significantly, the valve is leaking which means blood is moving the wrong direction and causing fluid to back up into his lungs. The fact that he constantly has fluid in his lungs is the reason for the frequent lung infections. No one seems to know why this has changed so significantly in the past 6 months. It was not there when he was born, and there is no good explanation for what caused this major valve problem.
The solution to the two mitral valve problems is open heart surgery. We hope that the surgeon will be able to use the valve that he's got and repair it to normal function. If he isn't able to do that, an artificial (mechanical) valve would be required. Repair of his existing valve has a much better long-term prognosis in terms of quality of life.
Because this is a much more unusual problem than the coarctation that was corrected as a baby, our cardiologist is recommending that we see a heart surgeon in Charlotte at Levine Children's Hospital. We are leaving tomorrow morning to meet with him and have additional testing done, including a 3-D echocardiogram which will be done while he's sedated. We hope that will give us a much better understanding of what's going on and what the surgical repair will involve. Surgery may be scheduled as early as next Monday or possibly a few weeks later if he's stable. We will update the blog when we know more.
It's important to note that Jay *feels* fine. He's happy, not in pain, and not showing any signs that this is as serious as it is. He thinks he's going on a fun trip with Mom & Dad tomorrow and while he seems to understand that we're stressed out, he's his typical happy toddler self. Derek and I are (understandably!) freaking out and trying to keep a calm exterior. Sometimes we succeed better than others. Luke is staying in Raleigh for tomorrow's trip to get some extra special attention from LaLa and Popper. If we end up staying longer in Charlotte, they will bring him to be with us.
We covet your prayers - for Jay's health, for guidance as we make decisions about treatment, for the doctors to understand the complex problems and how to heal our baby. Thanks for being the kind of supportive friends and family we can rely on when the wheels fall off the wagon.
Posted at 10:32PM Jun 09, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[20]
Comments:
Dennis shared with me yesterday that Jay had pneumonia again and all I could say was "that's not good". Correlation to the heart was unexpected. Although it was not as obvious to even the most educated (Dr's) at first, it was not a surprise to our God. Jay is in the Lord's hands and we are praying for you all and Jay, who is constantly a blessing to all who meet him.
Posted by Great Aunt Ali on June 09, 2010 at 10:54 PM EDT #
Oh my gosh! I hate this for you guys and for Jay. You will all definitely be in my prayers.
Do you remember my suitemate Jennifer? Her husband had a really bad heart problem when he was little. He had to go through open heart surgery when he was probably just about Jay's age. She has told me how scary it was for his family while they were going through it. The good news is he's great - and that was probably over 30 years ago! Think of all the medical advances since then. I will be thinking about you guys!!!
Posted by Ginger on June 09, 2010 at 11:03 PM EDT #
We will definitely be keeping you in our prayers. I know that Dr. M is doing what is best by referring you to the new doctors. If he says they're great, I'm sure they're the best! Travel safe! Lots of hugs!
Posted by Cynthia on June 09, 2010 at 11:21 PM EDT #
Dear, Dear, Dear Jen, Derek, Jay and Luke,
You all will be in my prayers and I know God will be holding you all in the palms of His hands. I wish you weren't having to go through this and if there is anything at all I can do, please let me know!
Love and God bless you all,
Susie
Posted by Susie on June 10, 2010 at 02:25 AM EDT #
Jen and Derek,
You've been in my thoughts constantly since I read this post last night. I'm sending you love and prayers for a swift and permanent recovery. I shared your beach pictures with my mom the other day and her first comment was how happy Jay looked. Keep that in mind over the difficult days and weeks ahead. He's so lucky to have you-keep up your strength.
With love,
Katrine
Posted by Katrine on June 10, 2010 at 07:26 AM EDT #
We will continue to pray. Know that there are many there for you - to support and uplift even when you can't physically see us in Charlotte.
Posted by Lisa on June 10, 2010 at 07:31 AM EDT #
If you guys need a place to stay, we're not far from Charolotte. Or if you need anything, you can give me a call and I can bring it to you (336.413.0326)
I hope all goes well with the little guy. He really stole my heart the day I saw him a few weeks ago!
Posted by Erin on June 10, 2010 at 07:40 AM EDT #
We're thinking of you guys!
Posted by Stacy on June 10, 2010 at 09:15 AM EDT #
PRAYING, PRAYING, PRAYING ... for peace for you & Derek, wisdom for the new surgeon, and a healthy little boy at the end of all this!
Posted by Joye on June 10, 2010 at 10:07 AM EDT #
Jay's best friend Oren sends hugs and prayers your way!
Posted by Oie Osterkamp on June 10, 2010 at 10:15 AM EDT #
Jen and Derek,
I really enjoy hanging out with Jay in extended session. He is an incredible child. Of course, you already know this. We will be praying for Jay and your family as he goes through another stressful surgery.
Posted by Sean Toomey on June 10, 2010 at 10:36 AM EDT #
Oh Jen, I am so sorry to hear of this news. I got D's email this morning and just finished reading your blog details. I'm glad you all have a plan that is coming together. I will be praying for every doctor and nurse that you meet, and especially for you guys. You all have been and will be on my mind often. Let us know if we can help out in some other way as well. Love and hugs to you all.
Rebecca
Posted by Rebecca Sasser on June 10, 2010 at 12:05 PM EDT #
Jen and Derek,
I really enjoy hanging out with Jay in extended session. He is an incredible child. Of course, you already know this. We will be praying for Jay and your family as he goes through another stressful surgery.
Posted by Sean Toomey on June 10, 2010 at 12:14 PM EDT #
You can send Jay a message by going to: https://www.levinechildrenshospital.org/secure_custom_body.cfm?customPage=actEmailAChild
May God watch over your family and bring you through this with an even stronger faith!
Posted by Bethany Watkins on June 10, 2010 at 12:35 PM EDT #
I will keep Jay and all of you in my prayers.
Posted by Debbie Gilland on June 10, 2010 at 01:09 PM EDT #
We'll just have to put the wheels back on and circle the wagons! We'll surround you and your family with love and prayers.
Love you, Annie
Posted by Annie on June 10, 2010 at 02:20 PM EDT #
Jen, Derek, Jay & Luke:
I will keep you all in my prayers. Take Care, Sylvia.
Posted by Sylvia Mc on June 10, 2010 at 03:06 PM EDT #
Jen and Derek,
I really enjoy hanging out with Jay in extended session. He is an incredible child. Of course, you already know this. We will be praying for Jay and your family as he goes through another stressful surgery.
Posted by Sean Toomey on June 10, 2010 at 04:56 PM EDT #
Jen and Derek,
Just wanted you to know that we are praying for you, Jay and your entire family during this time. Hope your visits in Charlotte go okay. Please keep us all updated so we can continue to pray!
Posted by Emily and Brian Moore on June 10, 2010 at 10:38 PM EDT #
Monday, May 17, 2010
Slow down, you move too fast...
Monday May 17, 2010
Slow down, you move too fast...
...You got to make the mornin' last
Just kickin' down the cobblestones
Lookin' for fun & feelin' groovy
-Simon & Garfunkel, The 59th Street Bridge Song
Last Friday was one of the most fun days I've had in a long time. As part of my new job, I'm now working only part-time. And while part of my non-work weekdays will be spent getting classwork done for school (and maybe feeling slightly less overwhelmed by life's chaos!), Fridays are primarily going to be my fun with the kiddos days. I want to give Jay some undivided attention since Luke has removed him from his King of the Universe throne. While I truly don't want him to feel that he's the center of the universe, or even my universe, I do want to enjoy some special time with him one-on-one. We're calling them "Jay-days." And I want the same for Luke, though we just spent 11 weeks getting lots of one-on-one time. He'll get some special time, too (though "Luke-day" doesn't quite have the same ring to it!).
We spent our first Jay-day doing pretty much whatever he wanted to do. While still in our PJ's, we played outside on the new-to-us slide that his Auntie TOJ gave him. We got out soap and brush and water hose with the intent of cleaning up the slide - in reality we ended up mostly dousing each other with the hose. Once our jammies were good & soggy, we went inside to put on our bathing suits. We packed up & headed over to visit with our friends in the Admissions Office. LaLa was thrilled to see her little buddy, but he was more than a little shy in front of his Peele Hall fan club.
Then, we did the most fun thing of all ... we went to the pool! Those who knew me growing up remember that I was a pool rat, so I of course want my kids to love the water like I did. I spent many a childhood summer hanging at QHSC and swimming on summer league, year-round club, and high school swim teams. Let me just say that my boy has inherited my love for the pool. He started to giggle as soon as his toes hit the water and didn't stop laughing for the whole hour we were there! He had a blast, blowing bubbles, kicking his feet and jumping off the side. I think swim lessons are going to be in our future...
After an afternoon nap, we went to the grocery store. On the way to the car, Jay wanted to check out the weeds in our yard. Most every time we leave the house, he wants to stop and pull grass, examine the gravel in the driveway, pretend to water the weeds or something else to slow us down. I feel like such a nag: "Hurry up!" "We have to go to school!" "Let's go!" "Get in the car! Now!" But on Friday, there was nowhere we had to be. The Harris Teeter wasn't going anywhere. So we stopped to check out the dandelions, and we blew the fluff off every single one of them. I realize that in doing so, we ensured that there will be dandelions to come all summer long. And in the spirit of taking time to enjoy every moment, I am glad. We may not have the perfect weed-free yard that I would like, but at least we'll have time to enjoy the weeds.
Posted at 10:47PM May 17, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[7]
Comments:
This is what it is about. Forget the muffin disaster, these are great memories!!!
Posted by crystal on May 18, 2010 at 08:51 AM EDT #
Jen,
I am so happy you are making time for what makes you happy! And like the wonderful Mom you are it includes a Jay Day. Lucky for your kids they have a very intuitive Mom! And very loving!
As usual, I have been loving all the postings and the Muffin Man was hysterical! For me...I am thinking not so much for you?
xoxox
Posted by Susie on May 19, 2010 at 06:17 PM EDT #
That sounds like so much fun! I personally think dandelions are beautiful, so spread the fuzzies and bring them on!
Posted by Cynthia on May 20, 2010 at 09:06 PM EDT #
When you question that you are a great Mom (which you should NEVER do, by the way) remember that you *DID* take time to blow the dandilion fluff, and 10 years down the road when you are so busy shuttling your boys to soccer and baseball and swim pracice and whatnot, you'll see a dandilion on the soccer field and you'll smile and remember the wonderful "Jay days"
Posted by Erin on May 26, 2010 at 02:16 PM EDT #
Slow down, you move too fast...
...You got to make the mornin' last
Just kickin' down the cobblestones
Lookin' for fun & feelin' groovy
-Simon & Garfunkel, The 59th Street Bridge Song
Last Friday was one of the most fun days I've had in a long time. As part of my new job, I'm now working only part-time. And while part of my non-work weekdays will be spent getting classwork done for school (and maybe feeling slightly less overwhelmed by life's chaos!), Fridays are primarily going to be my fun with the kiddos days. I want to give Jay some undivided attention since Luke has removed him from his King of the Universe throne. While I truly don't want him to feel that he's the center of the universe, or even my universe, I do want to enjoy some special time with him one-on-one. We're calling them "Jay-days." And I want the same for Luke, though we just spent 11 weeks getting lots of one-on-one time. He'll get some special time, too (though "Luke-day" doesn't quite have the same ring to it!).
We spent our first Jay-day doing pretty much whatever he wanted to do. While still in our PJ's, we played outside on the new-to-us slide that his Auntie TOJ gave him. We got out soap and brush and water hose with the intent of cleaning up the slide - in reality we ended up mostly dousing each other with the hose. Once our jammies were good & soggy, we went inside to put on our bathing suits. We packed up & headed over to visit with our friends in the Admissions Office. LaLa was thrilled to see her little buddy, but he was more than a little shy in front of his Peele Hall fan club.
Then, we did the most fun thing of all ... we went to the pool! Those who knew me growing up remember that I was a pool rat, so I of course want my kids to love the water like I did. I spent many a childhood summer hanging at QHSC and swimming on summer league, year-round club, and high school swim teams. Let me just say that my boy has inherited my love for the pool. He started to giggle as soon as his toes hit the water and didn't stop laughing for the whole hour we were there! He had a blast, blowing bubbles, kicking his feet and jumping off the side. I think swim lessons are going to be in our future...
After an afternoon nap, we went to the grocery store. On the way to the car, Jay wanted to check out the weeds in our yard. Most every time we leave the house, he wants to stop and pull grass, examine the gravel in the driveway, pretend to water the weeds or something else to slow us down. I feel like such a nag: "Hurry up!" "We have to go to school!" "Let's go!" "Get in the car! Now!" But on Friday, there was nowhere we had to be. The Harris Teeter wasn't going anywhere. So we stopped to check out the dandelions, and we blew the fluff off every single one of them. I realize that in doing so, we ensured that there will be dandelions to come all summer long. And in the spirit of taking time to enjoy every moment, I am glad. We may not have the perfect weed-free yard that I would like, but at least we'll have time to enjoy the weeds.
Posted at 10:47PM May 17, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[7]
Comments:
This is what it is about. Forget the muffin disaster, these are great memories!!!
Posted by crystal on May 18, 2010 at 08:51 AM EDT #
Jen,
I am so happy you are making time for what makes you happy! And like the wonderful Mom you are it includes a Jay Day. Lucky for your kids they have a very intuitive Mom! And very loving!
As usual, I have been loving all the postings and the Muffin Man was hysterical! For me...I am thinking not so much for you?
xoxox
Posted by Susie on May 19, 2010 at 06:17 PM EDT #
That sounds like so much fun! I personally think dandelions are beautiful, so spread the fuzzies and bring them on!
Posted by Cynthia on May 20, 2010 at 09:06 PM EDT #
When you question that you are a great Mom (which you should NEVER do, by the way) remember that you *DID* take time to blow the dandilion fluff, and 10 years down the road when you are so busy shuttling your boys to soccer and baseball and swim pracice and whatnot, you'll see a dandilion on the soccer field and you'll smile and remember the wonderful "Jay days"
Posted by Erin on May 26, 2010 at 02:16 PM EDT #
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Do you know the Muffin Man...
Wednesday May 12, 2010
Do you know the Muffin Man...
...The Muffin Man, the Muffin Man
Do you know the Muffin Man
Who lives on Drury Lane?
Muffin Man, traditional folk song
I publicly confess this story because it will show you just one of the many million moments that I struggle to balance my roles as mom and working professional. For all you who think I've got it together, this will prove that I'm a wreck, though I occasionally fake sanity convincingly.
So, this morning, I woke up almost an hour late. Now that I'm back at work, I try to get up at 5:30 a.m. so that I can nurse, pump, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, scan the headlines, feed Jay, get both boys dressed, pack up lunch & pumping parts for the day. (Good Lord! I'm tired just reading that list!) But today I didn't wake up until 6:15, so I was in a big fat hurry from the moment I woke up until 8:10 when I rolled into the office. Only 10 mins late - not too shabby. Derek, being the wonderful hubs that he is, offered to take both boys to their respective schools so I wouldn't be any later than necessary.
What I had forgotten was that today was Muffins with Mom at Jay's daycare. (Stretching out Mother's Day for a week - just one of the myriad reasons I love that place!) I'd gotten the email last week, but I completely forgot about it after it slipped out of the top 10 most recent emails. Derek called me at 8:18 to remind me about this big event. He reminded me what a great time he had last year after Father's Day at Doughnuts with Dad. I don't really want to turn around and leave work only 8 minutes after I arrived. I'm only in the office 3 days/week, so I really need to make the most of the time that I'm there. But there's this picture in my mind...
At at table in one of the Sunday School rooms down the hall, I imagine the happy moms sitting beside their happy kids munching on blueberry muffins and sipping OJ. The kids are all swinging their feet, happy to be at the "big table" instead of the usual kid-size one in their classroom. (It's those swinging feet that really got me!) Over in the corner of the room, I see a table with one poor, pitiful, lonely child - the only one whose mom couldn't come to Muffins with Mom. He eats his one little mini-muffin in silence while all the other moms laugh and smile with their perfectly behaved children. OH THE GUILT!
Not my baby! Jay won't be at the lonely kid table! I pick my purse back up and drive like a lunatic back downtown to the daycare. I make it there right at 8:30, the designated start time for this special event. I walk in, kid-less, while all the other moms who remembered this big party bring in their kids. I walk back to Jay's classroom; he sees me and immediately runs up to hug me. (He *never* does that when I pick him up!) I can see the joy in his face and the surprise at seeing me in the morning. His teacher comes up to me and says (I couldn't make this up) "Y'all are down the hall - it's just for moms. Jay - come on back in to have breakfast with your class."
WHAT? You've got to be kidding me!
Jay's little chin begins to quiver - he's fighting tears, big time. His mommy is here at school, and now Miss W is sending her away? Way to break my heart-and his!- into a million pieces. I pick him up and we have a nice snuggle in the hallway. I want to cry, too. But he heads on into his classroom and I'm left standing in the hall thinking "How the bleepety bleep did I get here?! But while I'm here, I might as well get my free muffins, dammit!!"
So, I trudge down the hall to eat breakfast. I sit down at the table with a bunch of moms whose names I have never heard. I know them only as The Pregnant One, or Suzie's Mom, or That Lady who Drives the Lexus. They are all downtown lawyer types, the kind who wear heels and perfectly pressed suits to work every day. I'm wearing my stretched out cardigan that I bought on clearance at Target 6 years ago. Sigh. They talk about the schools they will send their kids to when they age out of this center, and how they have had to suck up to the program directors to get their kids in. I haven't felt so excluded since sixth grade.
I sip my OJ, nibble my muffin and grapes, and make some small talk. When I can't take it anymore, I finally make some excuse about having to get to work, and I leave. On the way out, I notice that the sign says "Muffins FOR Mom." Not WITH ... For. Big difference. Note to self - read invitation a bit more carefully next time.
Posted at 10:07PM May 12, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[7]
Comments:
Okay - I have to say - that's just weird. Why would the daycare assume that all the mothers just want to sit with each other? Why do dads get to eat donuts WITH their kids, and moms have to eat muffins with other mothers they don't even know?
Posted by Ginger on May 13, 2010 at 10:14 AM EDT #
Ginger - I totally agree! I had to call Derek on the way back to work and ask "Um, y'all really did eat WITH the kids, right?" And they did.
Bizzare. I was pretty peeved yesterday, but I'm laughing over it now.
Posted by Jen on May 13, 2010 at 11:53 AM EDT #
My only guess is that their thinking was that the stereotypical dad probably needs encouragement to spend some time with his kid and would loathe being forced to make small talk with the other dads, while the stereotypical mom would love a break from childcare and have some adult conversation?
Posted by Derek on May 13, 2010 at 12:15 PM EDT #
I totally agree that it should have been "with child"- at least you can go back to work with no guilt for having left your kid there dangling his feet from the big table and sniffling back tears while downing his mini-muffin ALONE!! Another point added for "Mother of the Year" award!! LYTB, AJ
Posted by jeannette johnson on May 13, 2010 at 01:32 PM EDT #
Jen, I'm so sorry, but I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face -- laughing. Only because I KNOW that frustration. Seems like the more I try to do the right thing -- the best thing -- the more I get it so wrong.
I do have to say that I had those same images in my head last week when I was invited to Riley's school for a special "Mother's Day Snack." I couldn't figure how I could go. I worried and worried about my poor child -- only one without a mommy. But I also couldn't figure who was going to teach that precious little class of autistic boys that I have on Friday afternoons. And, don't forget, I had promised to learn Miley Cyrus's Hoedown Throwdown dance to perform for that afternoon's EOG pep rally! My problem worked out better, though. I was so relieved when I realized that Jaunffrey was taking Riley out of school around noon that day to head to Virginia. (Yes, I'm the mom who wasn't even with her child on Mother's Day because I was supposed to be studying for my assessment.) So Riley wasn't there for the special snack. Whew!
I do think you should write this down as one thing to hold over his head when he's an ungrateful teenager. You DID care enough to rush out to be with him. (Never mind about the writing down -- That's what you've done here. Duh! But you get the idea.)
Posted by Amy G. on May 15, 2010 at 09:49 PM EDT #
That made me cry.
Posted by Lisa on May 20, 2010 at 12:28 PM EDT #
Do you know the Muffin Man...
...The Muffin Man, the Muffin Man
Do you know the Muffin Man
Who lives on Drury Lane?
Muffin Man, traditional folk song
I publicly confess this story because it will show you just one of the many million moments that I struggle to balance my roles as mom and working professional. For all you who think I've got it together, this will prove that I'm a wreck, though I occasionally fake sanity convincingly.
So, this morning, I woke up almost an hour late. Now that I'm back at work, I try to get up at 5:30 a.m. so that I can nurse, pump, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, scan the headlines, feed Jay, get both boys dressed, pack up lunch & pumping parts for the day. (Good Lord! I'm tired just reading that list!) But today I didn't wake up until 6:15, so I was in a big fat hurry from the moment I woke up until 8:10 when I rolled into the office. Only 10 mins late - not too shabby. Derek, being the wonderful hubs that he is, offered to take both boys to their respective schools so I wouldn't be any later than necessary.
What I had forgotten was that today was Muffins with Mom at Jay's daycare. (Stretching out Mother's Day for a week - just one of the myriad reasons I love that place!) I'd gotten the email last week, but I completely forgot about it after it slipped out of the top 10 most recent emails. Derek called me at 8:18 to remind me about this big event. He reminded me what a great time he had last year after Father's Day at Doughnuts with Dad. I don't really want to turn around and leave work only 8 minutes after I arrived. I'm only in the office 3 days/week, so I really need to make the most of the time that I'm there. But there's this picture in my mind...
At at table in one of the Sunday School rooms down the hall, I imagine the happy moms sitting beside their happy kids munching on blueberry muffins and sipping OJ. The kids are all swinging their feet, happy to be at the "big table" instead of the usual kid-size one in their classroom. (It's those swinging feet that really got me!) Over in the corner of the room, I see a table with one poor, pitiful, lonely child - the only one whose mom couldn't come to Muffins with Mom. He eats his one little mini-muffin in silence while all the other moms laugh and smile with their perfectly behaved children. OH THE GUILT!
Not my baby! Jay won't be at the lonely kid table! I pick my purse back up and drive like a lunatic back downtown to the daycare. I make it there right at 8:30, the designated start time for this special event. I walk in, kid-less, while all the other moms who remembered this big party bring in their kids. I walk back to Jay's classroom; he sees me and immediately runs up to hug me. (He *never* does that when I pick him up!) I can see the joy in his face and the surprise at seeing me in the morning. His teacher comes up to me and says (I couldn't make this up) "Y'all are down the hall - it's just for moms. Jay - come on back in to have breakfast with your class."
WHAT? You've got to be kidding me!
Jay's little chin begins to quiver - he's fighting tears, big time. His mommy is here at school, and now Miss W is sending her away? Way to break my heart-and his!- into a million pieces. I pick him up and we have a nice snuggle in the hallway. I want to cry, too. But he heads on into his classroom and I'm left standing in the hall thinking "How the bleepety bleep did I get here?! But while I'm here, I might as well get my free muffins, dammit!!"
So, I trudge down the hall to eat breakfast. I sit down at the table with a bunch of moms whose names I have never heard. I know them only as The Pregnant One, or Suzie's Mom, or That Lady who Drives the Lexus. They are all downtown lawyer types, the kind who wear heels and perfectly pressed suits to work every day. I'm wearing my stretched out cardigan that I bought on clearance at Target 6 years ago. Sigh. They talk about the schools they will send their kids to when they age out of this center, and how they have had to suck up to the program directors to get their kids in. I haven't felt so excluded since sixth grade.
I sip my OJ, nibble my muffin and grapes, and make some small talk. When I can't take it anymore, I finally make some excuse about having to get to work, and I leave. On the way out, I notice that the sign says "Muffins FOR Mom." Not WITH ... For. Big difference. Note to self - read invitation a bit more carefully next time.
Posted at 10:07PM May 12, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[7]
Comments:
Okay - I have to say - that's just weird. Why would the daycare assume that all the mothers just want to sit with each other? Why do dads get to eat donuts WITH their kids, and moms have to eat muffins with other mothers they don't even know?
Posted by Ginger on May 13, 2010 at 10:14 AM EDT #
Ginger - I totally agree! I had to call Derek on the way back to work and ask "Um, y'all really did eat WITH the kids, right?" And they did.
Bizzare. I was pretty peeved yesterday, but I'm laughing over it now.
Posted by Jen on May 13, 2010 at 11:53 AM EDT #
My only guess is that their thinking was that the stereotypical dad probably needs encouragement to spend some time with his kid and would loathe being forced to make small talk with the other dads, while the stereotypical mom would love a break from childcare and have some adult conversation?
Posted by Derek on May 13, 2010 at 12:15 PM EDT #
I totally agree that it should have been "with child"- at least you can go back to work with no guilt for having left your kid there dangling his feet from the big table and sniffling back tears while downing his mini-muffin ALONE!! Another point added for "Mother of the Year" award!! LYTB, AJ
Posted by jeannette johnson on May 13, 2010 at 01:32 PM EDT #
Jen, I'm so sorry, but I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face -- laughing. Only because I KNOW that frustration. Seems like the more I try to do the right thing -- the best thing -- the more I get it so wrong.
I do have to say that I had those same images in my head last week when I was invited to Riley's school for a special "Mother's Day Snack." I couldn't figure how I could go. I worried and worried about my poor child -- only one without a mommy. But I also couldn't figure who was going to teach that precious little class of autistic boys that I have on Friday afternoons. And, don't forget, I had promised to learn Miley Cyrus's Hoedown Throwdown dance to perform for that afternoon's EOG pep rally! My problem worked out better, though. I was so relieved when I realized that Jaunffrey was taking Riley out of school around noon that day to head to Virginia. (Yes, I'm the mom who wasn't even with her child on Mother's Day because I was supposed to be studying for my assessment.) So Riley wasn't there for the special snack. Whew!
I do think you should write this down as one thing to hold over his head when he's an ungrateful teenager. You DID care enough to rush out to be with him. (Never mind about the writing down -- That's what you've done here. Duh! But you get the idea.)
Posted by Amy G. on May 15, 2010 at 09:49 PM EDT #
That made me cry.
Posted by Lisa on May 20, 2010 at 12:28 PM EDT #
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Because you had a bad day...
Thursday May 06, 2010
Because you had a bad day...
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
-Daniel Powter "You had a Bad Day"
Poor Luke had a bad day. How can an infant have a bad day, you ask? I mean really, all they do is eat, poop, and sleep. What could be bad about that?
Well, a bad infant day is one where you don't sleep, and Luke had that kind of day on Tuesday, merely his second day of daycare. He DID. NOT. SLEEP. AT. ALL. Apparently his day consisted solely of eating and crying. (Thinking about the 3 things infants do - eat, poop, and sleep ... really he didn't do 2 of those three. I'm betting the lack of pooping led to the crying and non-sleeping!) When my mom and I went to pick him up that afternoon, poor Ms. Samantha appeared ready to put him in the mailbox with a stamp on his butt just to get him out of there. Her hair was sticking out in crazy directions, her eyes were bleary, and she had that look of exhaustion that says "If you don't get this kid to stop screaming *RIGHT NOW* I'm gonna lose my ever-lovin' mind!"
Her words, however, said nothing of the sort. She said in the kindest, gentlest voice you can imagine "He's had kind of a rough day. He didn't sleep at all, and he's cried most of the day." Poor Samantha! I can read between the lines to know that she had to go home and crack open a bottle of wine after that scream-fest. And Poor Luke! His voice was hoarse after all that hollering, and I know he must have felt bad to have been so cranky. The craziest part was that after being awake LITERALLY all day long, I totally thought he'd crash as soon as he landed in the car seat. Not so much. He was awake for another two hours! Did somebody sneak some Red Bull into his bottle?
For the record, yesterday was better. I went by to check on him during the day, and he was awake and lounging in "the pool" in his classroom. The pool has no water, but it seemed fun enough to him. He did take a few cat naps of about 20 minutes each. Not exactly ideal, but it at least gave his poor teachers a moment of quiet. And apparently it was enough to keep them from kicking him out for good, since they welcomed him back with open arms today.
I guess change is hard for babies, too.
Posted at 12:21PM May 06, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[2]
Comments:
Poor Luke! But Victoria & Samantha are fantastic, and soon the whole Infants Room scene will be old hat... Hard to believe that maternity leave is over; but that means that we'll have to do lunch! When I walked past the Infants room yesterday I saw the "Welcome Luke" sign and popped my head in to see if he was around, but they said that he wasn't. Can't wait to meet him!
Posted by Erin on May 06, 2010 at 05:18 PM EDT #
Hope things go better this week! Looks like its back to work officially on Monday. Enjoy your last few days of freedom!
Posted by Aunt Jamie on May 07, 2010 at 10:41 PM EDT #
Because you had a bad day...
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
-Daniel Powter "You had a Bad Day"
Poor Luke had a bad day. How can an infant have a bad day, you ask? I mean really, all they do is eat, poop, and sleep. What could be bad about that?
Well, a bad infant day is one where you don't sleep, and Luke had that kind of day on Tuesday, merely his second day of daycare. He DID. NOT. SLEEP. AT. ALL. Apparently his day consisted solely of eating and crying. (Thinking about the 3 things infants do - eat, poop, and sleep ... really he didn't do 2 of those three. I'm betting the lack of pooping led to the crying and non-sleeping!) When my mom and I went to pick him up that afternoon, poor Ms. Samantha appeared ready to put him in the mailbox with a stamp on his butt just to get him out of there. Her hair was sticking out in crazy directions, her eyes were bleary, and she had that look of exhaustion that says "If you don't get this kid to stop screaming *RIGHT NOW* I'm gonna lose my ever-lovin' mind!"
Her words, however, said nothing of the sort. She said in the kindest, gentlest voice you can imagine "He's had kind of a rough day. He didn't sleep at all, and he's cried most of the day." Poor Samantha! I can read between the lines to know that she had to go home and crack open a bottle of wine after that scream-fest. And Poor Luke! His voice was hoarse after all that hollering, and I know he must have felt bad to have been so cranky. The craziest part was that after being awake LITERALLY all day long, I totally thought he'd crash as soon as he landed in the car seat. Not so much. He was awake for another two hours! Did somebody sneak some Red Bull into his bottle?
For the record, yesterday was better. I went by to check on him during the day, and he was awake and lounging in "the pool" in his classroom. The pool has no water, but it seemed fun enough to him. He did take a few cat naps of about 20 minutes each. Not exactly ideal, but it at least gave his poor teachers a moment of quiet. And apparently it was enough to keep them from kicking him out for good, since they welcomed him back with open arms today.
I guess change is hard for babies, too.
Posted at 12:21PM May 06, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[2]
Comments:
Poor Luke! But Victoria & Samantha are fantastic, and soon the whole Infants Room scene will be old hat... Hard to believe that maternity leave is over; but that means that we'll have to do lunch! When I walked past the Infants room yesterday I saw the "Welcome Luke" sign and popped my head in to see if he was around, but they said that he wasn't. Can't wait to meet him!
Posted by Erin on May 06, 2010 at 05:18 PM EDT #
Hope things go better this week! Looks like its back to work officially on Monday. Enjoy your last few days of freedom!
Posted by Aunt Jamie on May 07, 2010 at 10:41 PM EDT #
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The party's over...
Sunday May 02, 2010
The party's over...
The candles flicker and dim
You danced and dreamed through the night
It seemed to be right just being with him
Now you must wake up, all dreams must end
Take off your makeup, the party's over
It's all over, my friend
-Nat King Cole "The Party's Over"
Ahh, the end of my maternity leave. I am certainly sad that this party's over. Perhaps that's why I haven't posted in 3 weeks - too busy living it up while I could (Bad blogger! Bad!). Or maybe that's why I'm still up at 11:10 on Sunday night - knowing that when midnight hits, it's back to the real world. Well, kinda.
Luke starts at daycare this week, though I'm not back at work for real until next Monday. He's not going to be full time yet, since we both need a little time to adjust to this new plan. I'm going to use this week to finish up all of the school work that I should have been doing for class all semester. Or some of it anyway. My fantastic professor is going to allow me to take an incomplete this spring, just like he allowed me to do last summer. (I know he's secretly referring to me as "that incomplete girl.") Then in the next month or so, I'm going to finish up the rest of the work that I can't cram into this week. Suffice it to say that grad school has taken the farthest back burner lately. That is really saying something because having a second kid means lots of things, including taking regular showers, get moved to the back burner.
I am really sad that my maternity leave is over, though. When I was home with Jay, it was all just so incredibly stressful for me. We spent his first weeks in the hospital then at the many, many, MANY follow-up doctors' visits for heart issues, surgery complications, and feeding problems. I didn't enjoy his baby days like I should have ... I really couldn't relax and enjoy it, and I felt very trapped in the house. I was glad to get back to work and get some sense of routine and the chance to interact with others.
With Luke, it's been completely different. I think I started getting out with him when he was barely 2 weeks old. We've been out to lunch with my mom, to the park with friends, thrown parties at our house, and even gone to the beach. When I've taken him places, I didn't stress about packing a bag with every possible baby supply we could need. We just went and made do. When he had a massive diaper blow out and I didn't have a back-up outfit, I put him in Jay's shirt like it was a dress. It looked ridiculous, but no one called child protective services.
But what I've enjoyed most is that I have spent some time every single day just staring at him. Admiring those adorable baby toes. Memorizing the cowlick on his forehead. Taking in that baby smell. We have snuggled on the couch and in the magic chair and on the back porch in the sunshine. I have made it a point to focus on enjoying these 10 weeks with him, and I've tried to appreciate the chance to spend some time with family & friends during the workdays. It has been such a blessing to be able to spend this time together, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.
Posted at 11:45PM May 02, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[3]
Comments:
Hey Party Girl...party on, party on! And if you need help, holler! I am so wowed by all you do. Give those beautiful boys an extra hug from me and here's a special hug from me to you! Hang in there and know you are loved and admired by many! xoxoxo Susie
Posted by Susie Hoffman on May 03, 2010 at 01:50 PM EDT #
I'm glad you've been able to enjoy the past 10 weeks!
(Also - I just commented on your last post again - I forgot to check back on my questions! Glad I remembered!)
Posted by Ginger on May 03, 2010 at 05:03 PM EDT #
The party's over...
The candles flicker and dim
You danced and dreamed through the night
It seemed to be right just being with him
Now you must wake up, all dreams must end
Take off your makeup, the party's over
It's all over, my friend
-Nat King Cole "The Party's Over"
Ahh, the end of my maternity leave. I am certainly sad that this party's over. Perhaps that's why I haven't posted in 3 weeks - too busy living it up while I could (Bad blogger! Bad!). Or maybe that's why I'm still up at 11:10 on Sunday night - knowing that when midnight hits, it's back to the real world. Well, kinda.
Luke starts at daycare this week, though I'm not back at work for real until next Monday. He's not going to be full time yet, since we both need a little time to adjust to this new plan. I'm going to use this week to finish up all of the school work that I should have been doing for class all semester. Or some of it anyway. My fantastic professor is going to allow me to take an incomplete this spring, just like he allowed me to do last summer. (I know he's secretly referring to me as "that incomplete girl.") Then in the next month or so, I'm going to finish up the rest of the work that I can't cram into this week. Suffice it to say that grad school has taken the farthest back burner lately. That is really saying something because having a second kid means lots of things, including taking regular showers, get moved to the back burner.
I am really sad that my maternity leave is over, though. When I was home with Jay, it was all just so incredibly stressful for me. We spent his first weeks in the hospital then at the many, many, MANY follow-up doctors' visits for heart issues, surgery complications, and feeding problems. I didn't enjoy his baby days like I should have ... I really couldn't relax and enjoy it, and I felt very trapped in the house. I was glad to get back to work and get some sense of routine and the chance to interact with others.
With Luke, it's been completely different. I think I started getting out with him when he was barely 2 weeks old. We've been out to lunch with my mom, to the park with friends, thrown parties at our house, and even gone to the beach. When I've taken him places, I didn't stress about packing a bag with every possible baby supply we could need. We just went and made do. When he had a massive diaper blow out and I didn't have a back-up outfit, I put him in Jay's shirt like it was a dress. It looked ridiculous, but no one called child protective services.
But what I've enjoyed most is that I have spent some time every single day just staring at him. Admiring those adorable baby toes. Memorizing the cowlick on his forehead. Taking in that baby smell. We have snuggled on the couch and in the magic chair and on the back porch in the sunshine. I have made it a point to focus on enjoying these 10 weeks with him, and I've tried to appreciate the chance to spend some time with family & friends during the workdays. It has been such a blessing to be able to spend this time together, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.
Posted at 11:45PM May 02, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[3]
Comments:
Hey Party Girl...party on, party on! And if you need help, holler! I am so wowed by all you do. Give those beautiful boys an extra hug from me and here's a special hug from me to you! Hang in there and know you are loved and admired by many! xoxoxo Susie
Posted by Susie Hoffman on May 03, 2010 at 01:50 PM EDT #
I'm glad you've been able to enjoy the past 10 weeks!
(Also - I just commented on your last post again - I forgot to check back on my questions! Glad I remembered!)
Posted by Ginger on May 03, 2010 at 05:03 PM EDT #
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