Think happy thoughts...

Tuesday Jun 22, 2010

Think happy thoughts...

...happy thoughts!
that's what you gotta do
Think happy thoughts
happy thoughts!
And a smile will come back to you
When you're alone and feeling sad
and you don't know what to do
when you can't sleep and feel lonely
Here's just what to do
-Muno, Yo Gabba Gabba

Fellow parents of preschoolers seem to fall into one of two categories ... those who love Yo Gabba Gabba, and those who think it's just too weird. My brother refers to it as an acid trip for sober grownups. Derek and I love it, and it's one of Jay's favorites. Actually, it's one of only two shows that he will watch (Fireman Sam is the other, but we find that Norman kid too annoying for words). While we are very restrictive on TV time, we do allow one brief, commercial-free episode (love me some On Demand!) while he does his nebulizer treatment before bed.

In tonight's Yo Gabba Gabba episode, Muno (the tall red cyclops that's in the Kia commercial) can't sleep, and he sings the song above. It just made me smile - it's such amazingly simple advice, but it's also so completely true. Blessings is just a grownup word for happy thoughts, and remembering to focus on those has been the only way I've survived the past week.

I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update, but I will say that I got in a deep funk and just didn't feel much like talking about it. I was pissed off at myself for not realizing there was a heart problem, for not trusting my gut to keep asking questions. I was pissed at my pediatrician. I was pissed at my boobs for not making enough milk for Luke. I was pissed at God for dumping yet another scary medical issue on my family. I was pissed that my birthday fell in the midst of all this junk. I was pretty much pissed at the universe for not being the way I wanted it to be. Not pretty, but that's what I was feeling.

After stewing in my own pissed-off-ness for a few days, I didn't feel better - I just felt cruddy. But one night when I couldn't sleep, I started to list all the good things in my life. It took me a while to get past the first few, but once I got on a roll, I realized that I still have lots of happy thoughts. I know it sounds cheesy, and frankly it is. But I'm gonna dwell on something. Might as well be happy thoughts. It's a blessing that we found this now, instead of when he's in more serious heart failure. It's a blessing that we have these 2 weeks to prepare for surgery and what's ahead. It's a blessing to have a beautiful infant whose smile lights up the room. It's a huge blessing to have a husband who is my strength when I want to bury my head under the covers and not come out until it's over. It's a blessing to have such a wonderful extended family and to have them close by. It's a blessing to have friends that bring Curious George Goes to the Hospital and flowers and pictures of their kids for Jay to look at. All of these are wonderful amazing things in my life, and I am keeping them front and center in my mind.

So, no news in the medical world, really. After getting the report from the surgeon in Charlotte, our cardiologist wanted another opinion from a surgeon in Philadelphia. That seems very far away, but if you're going to be away from Raleigh, there's not much difference in being 3 hours away or 7. He contacted that surgeon last week, but we still haven't heard from them. We don't know if we'd need to go there for further evaluation or whether the previous scans would be enough information for them. We desperately hope that they would have a better chance of saving the heart valve that he has. But the truth is, no one can promise anything.

Jay is doing fantastic. He's had different sitters every day for the past week and a half, and he's had loads of fun with each of them. It doesn't seem to matter whether he knows the person well or not ... he's eager to show off his favorite book (the Sears tool catalog) and his favorite toys (his drill bits) to anyone who will sit still and watch. The fact that he sends me off each day with a hearty "Go to work, Mommy!" is a happy thought too. He's happy, so I can be happy too.

Posted at 09:53PM Jun 22, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments[6]
Comments:

Happy thoughts....happy thoughts....happy thoughts!! Might as well do something we DO have control over....being the control freaks some of us are!! LYTB - AJ

Posted by jeannette johnson on June 23, 2010 at 05:18 PM EDT #

I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this! I know if it was me, I'd be pissed off too. Keep us posted on what ends up getting scheduled when.

Posted by Bethany Watkins on June 23, 2010 at 07:58 PM EDT #

You are allowed some pity time. But remember that you and your boys are on an awful lot of other people's "Count as a Blessing in my Life" list!

Posted by crystal on June 24, 2010 at 08:19 AM EDT #

Thanks for being real...
we don't have to "act" like everything's great when life takes a dramatic turn. But,"thinking happy thoughts" is always a plus! God will sustain...I'm praying for you. Love, Amanda Lockyer

Posted by Amanda Lockyer on June 24, 2010 at 11:19 AM EDT #

Jen, continue to keep your happy thoughts going even when it looks like there is nothing to be happy about. Remember that everyday is a blessing with renewed mercies. You are in my prayers and may God continue to bless you and keep you. Kiss my boyfriend for me and one day, I will get to meet my new potential boyfriend, Luke :)

Posted by Theresa on June 24, 2010 at 03:17 PM EDT #

Jen, thanks for sharing your thoughts! Having happy thoughts and counting blessings have always helped me throughout the years when I was mad at the world and down in the dumps for whatever I was going through. We just have to dwell on all the good things because life is not fair! We are all praying for you!
Take care.

Posted by Pat Miller Evans on June 24, 2010 at 07:51 PM EDT #