Sunday, January 23, 2011

Hey little thing lemme light your candle

cause, mama, I'm sure hard to handle now
gets around
-The Black Crowes (or Otis Redding), Hard to Handle

Now that little Luke-o is mobile, crawling like a speed demon in the direction of the nearest trouble, our morning routine has become a little hairy. Enjoy a tale of two perspectives that we'll call 5 minutes in the morning...

Sweet! Mom gives me blogging rights again. The kids in daycare are gonna loooooove this one...

So, usually mom drops me in BABY JAIL while she spends hours and hours and hours doing her hair. Complete with bars and everything! I wail and scream at her until she comes to rescue me.

Last Friday, she finally (FINALLY!) figured out that I will stop crying if she'll just let me be near her. I got to hang out with her in the place where Big Brother and I hang out and splash each other before bedtime. Boy is there a lot of fun stuff in there!

First, I checked out the splashing place while it didn't have any water in it. I tried really hard to get in, reaching on my tippy, tippy toes, but I still couldn't get in there. It wouldn't have been much fun without Big Brother and without water anyway, so I decided to see what other stuff might be in this fun room.

Mom sprinkled some toys around on the floor. C'mon. I am so far beyond plastic squirters. What am I supposed to do with them when there's no water to squirt? They don't make noise. They don't have flashing lights. They don't DO anything. What fun is that? Does she really think that will distract me?

Oooh!! Over in this corner is a door! Wonder if it opens? YOUCH! That hurts when it opens with your finger in it!! WAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Oh, cool, what's this over here? I think this is where Big Brother goes to the potty. Look! There's the cushion that they put on the potty for him. Wonder what it tastes like?

Seriously, mom. Those toys are so not exciting. Is that supposed to keep me away from all this cool grownup stuff?

What's over here in this corner? Hmm, mom sure is making a lot of noise with that air gun that she aims at her head. Bet she can't see me over here. Wonder if I could turn over this basket full of dirty clothes? Yup. Sure can. Boy, I'm good.

Oooh! A cord! And I think mom's waving it around to play with me. Hey Mom! Look, I can grab your pants and stand up. What's wrong? You don't like my pulling up trick? Oh, sorry I got some snot on your pants.

What's this big thing in the corner? It's got a long stick. Hmmm, wonder what this big chew toy thing on the end is for...

Jen's Perspective:
Luke is generally a pretty easy kid. But he ABSOLUTELY. DOES. NOT. entertain himself, playing with toys while we get dressed in the morning or fold laundry or fix dinner or do any of the basic things required to run a household. He has to be right in the middle of everything.

To keep him out of trouble, I usually put him in his crib while I dry my hair and get ready in the mornings. Let me be perfectly clear - I do not take long to do this. I don't do makeup, I don't have a fancy hair-fixing routine ... I dry my hair, brush my teeth, and that's about it. 10 mins, tops. So while he's not happy about being left alone in his crib (surrounded by toys, no less!), I leave him there where I know he'll be safe. If he cries for a few minutes, I really don't think he'll suffer long-term harm.

Last Friday, I decided that he could probably stay out of trouble in the bathroom while I was in there watching him. I mean, really, how much damage can he do in there?

I was wrong.

First, he was mere inches from crashing headfirst into the tub. He got his arms and upper body over the edge and was truly only touching the ground with one tiny toe. Probably not the safest bathroom activity.

But we have toys! Bathtub toys, specifically designed for entertaining an almost 1 year old. I pulled them out, but that was a complete waste of time. No interest in them whatsoever.

He headed for the linen closet which has bi-fold doors. Not good for little fingers ... I learned that from watching Jay smash his little hands on more than one occasion. By the time I realized he was headed for the door, the damage was already done. Luckily, he settled down quickly. Tough little guy, that Luke.

I tried the toys again to no avail. C'mon, I only need 2 minutes to brush my teeth!

Next up, the potty seat. Gross!! Oh my God, he's going to put it in his mouth!! Where can I stash that that he can't reach it. I think I need to brush his teeth too. Might need to brush mine again just thinking about what would have happened if he'd actually gotten his jaws on that. Shudder.

Okay, he's just watching for a sec, so maybe I can dry my hair real quick. He's headed for the hamper, but what can he do with a load of dirty clothes? Well, apparently, he can turn it over and spread them all over the floor. He's dragging a dirty hand towel along as he crawls. Sigh.

Oh good, he's coming back within arm's reach. He can't break anything while I can reach him right? Hey sweetie! Oh, you're getting to be such a big boy pulling up! I'm so proud of you. Oh, gross. You just wiped your snotty nose on my knee. Guess I really ought to change clothes now, eh?

Seriously, just 10 seconds more and my hair will be dry. Just sit there for just a sec ... Oh crap! DON'T TOUCH THE PLUNGER!!!! AUGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


Amy said...

Maybe an exer-saucer? sitting just out side the bathroom door? He really is one CUTE kid, so we have no choice but to laugh. :)

Sush said...

Life becomes the circle...check with your Momma on her morning routines with two! I'll bet there is some divine retribution buried somewhere in those clothes? Giggled the entire way through the story! Morning Mayhem...the beat goes on!

Jennifer Davis said...

Our kids are a match made in heaven. This is Caroline's exact morning routine. Play with toys when there is THE ENTIRE BATHROOM to explore? You've got to be kidding me. And don't try the old Exersaucer trick, Mom. . . that's so six months ago.

Annie said...

priceless post, Jen. Thanks for the laugh.
Love you, Annie

Anonymous said...

Jen, you seriously need to write a book. It'd be a best seller for sure. Comic relief!

Anne T.

Jamie Blackburn said...

Hilarious! I agree with Anne T. You should definitely write a book. I check your blog almost daily to see if there's a new post.
BTW, I just bought a ticket to NC for Mon. 3/28-Fri. 4/1 (SPRING BREAK 2011 BABY!!!) Hopefully we can figure out some time to play even though its during the week, not over a weekend.

Beth said...

You are seriously, so blessed....