Are you sleeping...

...are you sleeping?

Brother Jay, brother Jay

Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing

Ding ding dong. Ding ding dong.

My children are generally angels. I love them and I love spending time with them. Usually. But after about 8:00, I do not want to see their smiling faces. I would lose my sanity without the quiet hours between 8-10 p.m.

When it comes to bedtime, Jay can pitch an absolute hissy fit of unwillingness to go to bed. He will scream, cry, and occasionally kick/slap/bite when you try to put him in bed. Kicking/slapping/biting means loss of lovey/blanket/pillow privileges - a difficult, but quickly learned, lesson. We haven't had a crazy tantrum in a few weeks, but he will hop up and down approximately 238,583,387,509 times before finally settling for the night. Each and every night. Here is a sampling of the issues that he needs resolved - please understand that these are DIRECT quotations. I couldn't make this stuff up:

I need some water. (It's already beside your bed.)

My water's gone, so now I need milk. (No, you need to go to sleep.)

I need a snack. (No, honey. You just ate dinner 45 minutes ago).

I need you to cover me up. (If you'd stay in your bed, you would still be covered up, just like I left you.

I need you to cover Jeffy up. (Jeffy the Sheep is only 6 inches tall, honey. If a blanket is thrown in his general direction, he will be completely covered up, I promise.)

Mommy, my fingernails are too long. I can't sleep until you trim them. (Who are you and what did you do with my son who generally acts like a nail trim is equivalent to removing the last knuckle of your finger?)

I need to read another story. (There are baskets of books in your room for just such an occasion! Feel free to read one quietly.)

I need the lamp on so I can read my story. (You know where the switch is. Feel free.)

I don't know all the words to this book. (Well, choose a different one that you DO know the words to.)

I need to go potty. (Okay, the bathroom is right there.)

But I need you to wipe me. (How is it that you manage to wipe your own bum all day long, but once the sun has set you're no longer capable of reaching the toilet paper?)

I forgot to take my medicine. (No, you took it already.)

But will you check to be sure? (No. I'm sure.)

I forgot to put away my puzzles. (You're stalling, sweetheart. Go back to bed.)

Is tomorrow a stay-home day? (Go to bed, dear.)

Mommy, in the morning, after we eat breakfast, we need to go to Costco and get more couscous. (I'm speechless, dear. Go back to bed. We'll make a grocery list in the morning. And what 3 year old begs for couscous?)

My pillow is too big. (But it's the same one you use every single night.)

Well, it must have grown.