Tuesday Feb 16, 2010
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmmmm .... I don't know
Well I've been afraid of changing
Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too.
-Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac), "Landslide"
Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Jenny. She was a happy child, but she liked everything just the way it was. She was very afraid of change. She was scared to go to a new class at school, scared to move to a new house (even if it was in the same ZIP code!), afraid that if one little thing changed then her whole world would change. One day, her Appie (who worked at the DMV) brought home new license plates for her mommy and daddy. They didn't need new plates - they just needed new registration stickers. But still, somehow the plates ended up changing from LKD-13 to AXW-7946. (Clearly this is still a very vivid memory for her!) And poor Jenny cried. Like, fell apart crying. (Honestly, I can still remember fighting back tears over the license plate that was going to have to go away!) Change is always hard, but it was especially hard for little Jenny.
Fast forward about 25 years, and little Jenny is all growed up into big Jen. And while Jen can handle change better than Jenny ever could, she can still feel her chest tighten up when she starts to think about major life changes. Like, say, having a baby. Starting a new job. Watching her mom enter a new phase of cancer treatment.
Most of the time I post, I have an idea of what I want to say and find lyrics that work with that. This morning on the way to work, I heard this song (one of my all-time faves, I might add!) and it was exactly how I was feeling. Isn't music amazing like that? I'm really not sure how I'm going to navigate the changing ocean tides of my life. And it comes in waves, just like the ocean. One minute you're floating along, loving life with an adorable almost-2-year-old. The next minute, a tidal wave hits and he's pooping on the potty and talking about his little brother-to-be, Clifford. (Yes, Jay has really named the baby Clifford. And he's not letting it go, either.)
So, thank you to my friends, my family, my incredible husband for being my life raft. What would I do without you?
Posted at 08:35PM Feb 16, 2010 by Jen Foster in General | Comments
Okay, Jen, I have no wisdom to offer about change. Scares the heck out of me, too. But I do know that you're well-equipped to handle it -- faith in God, loving family and friends who want to be there for you, and a terrific sense of humor. You'll be fine.
I can't wait until this little cheese doodle is born. I'm almost convinced now that he'll have reddish/orange-ish hair. Really -- cheese doodles are pretty orange. Clifford is a nice red-orange. (Okay, mostly red.) It'll be so funny if Jay gets the last laugh here. :)
Posted by Amy G. on February 16, 2010 at 11:35 PM EST #
I feel you in the change department! I used to get hives about one week before school started every September. You could've set your watch by it. But I always remember the words of the great Tracy Lawrence..."The only thing that stays the same is everything changes, everything changes.
Posted by Katrine on February 17, 2010 at 04:40 PM EST #
1. I wish I could offer some sort of wisdom on change,but it's tough for me, too. I like what Amy said.
2. I certainly understand music "speaking." I hear songs everyday that make me think about something specific and stick with me the whole day.
3. Did Jay poop on the potty??? (just some wishful thinking that you would only have 1 child in diapers! :))
Posted by Lisa on February 17, 2010 at 10:06 PM EST #
Ha ha, I remember you as Jenny! And I still remember my phone numbers from VA and NC that we had as a child, as well as a license plate of one of our stay-wags. :-) Anyway, I think you've done a great job adapting to, and bringing change into your life over the years. Heck, choosing to have a child, and then another one somewhat soon after, is probably the biggest voluntary change I can think of. And you've handled it wonderfully.
Lots of grace to you and your mom as she goes through treatment again!
Posted by Brandi on February 18, 2010 at 01:57 PM EST #
Isn't it funny how you can be grown up Jen and go to school and get a job and get married and have two babies and change everything inside your house and handle all of those changes, outwardly, with such confidence and strength, and then that little Jenny inside looks around and curls up in a ball and says in a tiny voice "How did all this happen??" What you were is always there, but what you have become is stronger, smarter, and with the help of all those around you, is ready to tackle the world. Because that is what we all have to do in the end.
Posted by laura on February 19, 2010 at 04:40 PM EST #
I always thought Jenny would grow up to be this beautiful, strong woman. Why? Because even though she was shy, and timid she also was beautiful and strong.
You always were both. Same young Jenny different sides of the coin. Flip sides are good at balancing us out. The beautiful strong part can remember what it is like to be shy and timid and afraid of change and help the shy,timid afraid of change part of ourselves deal with the changes in life. I so enjoy listening to all of you! That is why you are able to empathize so very well!
Posted by Susie Hoffman on February 20, 2010 at 12:41 AM EST #
Ok for a moment I thought you were describing Olivia. Liked Vanilla icecream 4-ever, liked Florida, liked her room and we move to Lafayette and we almost needed to take her to a therapist and she was only 2. It is nice to know Olivia has some Jenny in her too!
Posted by Robin on February 21, 2010 at 09:17 PM EST #