Monday, April 7, 2008

In the still of the night...

Monday Apr 07, 2008

In the still of the night...

I held you
Held you tight
'Cause I love
Love you so
Promise I'll never
Let you go
In the still of the night

(Hope those lyrics brought you a nice little flashback to the movie "Dirty Dancing" - one of my faves!)

It's 3:26 in the morning, and I'm up writing this blog when I should be sleeping. I know, "sleep when the baby sleeps" is the rule, but tonight I'm just awake. I've spent many nights up at this hour. I pulled a few all-nighters in college cramming for exams or finishing up papers that should have been written during daylight. I've even enjoyed some late night fun that kept me out on the town this late into the night. As a champion worrier, I have spent more than a few nights up at this hour, watching late-night infomercials and imagining one potential catastrophe after another. Why is it that our anxieties always seem a million times worse at 3 a.m. than at 3 p.m.?
But tonight I'm not up for any of those reasons - I'm up with the baby, just like I've been up with him every night since we brought him home.

It was one month ago today that Jay was born at 2:31 a.m. I thought I understood exhaustion that night, after being in labor for more than 24 hours and struggling through a long and difficult delivery. But that kind of tired has nothing on the kind of tired I feel now after weeks of sleeping only in 2-3 hour spurts. On a good night, Jay will sleep 4 hours between feedings. Let's just say tonight has not been one of those 4 hour nights! I'm a big fan of sleep, and it's a luxury I haven't been enjoying the way I would like.

And while I'm suffering from a major case of exhaustion during the daytime, I really do like the middle of the night snuggles I get to enjoy after feeding him. After Jay eats, we try to keep him upright for at least 20 minutes to help keep him from spitting up. (When we've struggled to get every ounce into him, we don't want to see a single drop coming back up!) While some nights all I want to do is drop him back into his crib and fall back into my bed, that 20 minutes has become some of my favorite time with him. He's much more snuggly with Derek than with me - for some reason he just settles into Derek's shoulder better during the day. But at night, he'll cuddle up on my shoulder and let me enjoy some some snuggles, too. Tonight, I spent the whole time praying, thanking God for the amazing blessing of having him here, having him at home and healthy.

Never thought I'd feel so lucky to be up all night long.


Well, you've finally done it....I'm crying.
Crying because I, too, am thankful that you are in the midst of enjoying and enduring sleepless nights with a beautfiful little miracle like Jay.
I'm also crying because you've reminded me that the little boys that I've refereed all morning and gotten frutrated with at least 100 times were once snuggled on my shoulder at 2:45 am. They are still my miracles. Thank you!

Posted by Jen B. on April 07, 2008 at 12:38 PM EDT #

So, I am tearing up, too! I don't know what else to say. I totally understand all that you are feeling!

Posted by Lisa on April 07, 2008 at 02:34 PM EDT #

Ugh! Goodness Jen! Way to hit on every emotion a mom has! I'm so glad you are enjoying being a new mom. It definitely has it's joys and hardships all at the same time.

Posted by Bethany Watkins on April 07, 2008 at 08:22 PM EDT #

Hello to all! The night has its moments and only a parent understands that!!! I still sneak a peak at my son when he is sleeping. At 19 the face is the same, the peacefulness is the same. Enjoy the
time with Jay.

Posted by teri carpenter on April 08, 2008 at 08:38 AM EDT #

Now I know why I spent 24 hours in labor giving birth to you and why I spent sleepless nights crying because you wouldn't stop crying and why I carefully measured every drop of formula you got and why I mixed it with every possible additive to make sure your system worked right and why I loved that colicky baby every moment of her life. It was all so that I could have this moment of awareness that life is a cycle that goes on and on in all of its wonder and joy. Now I know.

Posted by Mom on April 08, 2008 at 11:03 AM EDT #

Another crying mom here...thank you for sharing this Jen. Thank you for that reminder of times that we get to snuggle with our little ones. It's amazing in so many ways. While I know you are about to tip over from exhaustion, keep enjoying every minute. Sounds like you are. I am so glad you 3 are together at home and doing well. I look forward to seeing all of you soon!

Posted by Rebecca on April 08, 2008 at 12:00 PM EDT #

Not only did your post bring tears to my eyes, your mom's comment did as well! What a blessing. I can only hope I'm blessed the same way someday! Love to you all!

Posted by Katrine on April 08, 2008 at 06:33 PM EDT #

Awww...I'm not a mom but I felt this blog. Enjoy the snuggles before he becomes "too big" to snuggle and wipes off your kisses. What an awesome experience for you. Be Blessed!!!

Posted by Theresa on April 09, 2008 at 02:15 PM EDT #

No comments: