In the still of the night...
I held you
Held you tight
'Cause I love
Love you so
Promise I'll never
Let you go
In the still of the night
(Hope those lyrics brought you a nice little flashback to the movie "Dirty Dancing" - one of my faves!)
It's 3:26 in the morning, and I'm up writing this blog when I should be sleeping. I know, "sleep when the baby sleeps" is the rule, but tonight I'm just awake. I've spent many nights up at this hour. I pulled a few all-nighters in college cramming for exams or finishing up papers that should have been written during daylight. I've even enjoyed some late night fun that kept me out on the town this late into the night. As a champion worrier, I have spent more than a few nights up at this hour, watching late-night infomercials and imagining one potential catastrophe after another. Why is it that our anxieties always seem a million times worse at 3 a.m. than at 3 p.m.?
But tonight I'm not up for any of those reasons - I'm up with the baby, just like I've been up with him every night since we brought him home.
It was one month ago today that Jay was born at 2:31 a.m. I thought I understood exhaustion that night, after being in labor for more than 24 hours and struggling through a long and difficult delivery. But that kind of tired has nothing on the kind of tired I feel now after weeks of sleeping only in 2-3 hour spurts. On a good night, Jay will sleep 4 hours between feedings. Let's just say tonight has not been one of those 4 hour nights! I'm a big fan of sleep, and it's a luxury I haven't been enjoying the way I would like.
And while I'm suffering from a major case of exhaustion during the daytime, I really do like the middle of the night snuggles I get to enjoy after feeding him. After Jay eats, we try to keep him upright for at least 20 minutes to help keep him from spitting up. (When we've struggled to get every ounce into him, we don't want to see a single drop coming back up!) While some nights all I want to do is drop him back into his crib and fall back into my bed, that 20 minutes has become some of my favorite time with him. He's much more snuggly with Derek than with me - for some reason he just settles into Derek's shoulder better during the day. But at night, he'll cuddle up on my shoulder and let me enjoy some some snuggles, too. Tonight, I spent the whole time praying, thanking God for the amazing blessing of having him here, having him at home and healthy.
Never thought I'd feel so lucky to be up all night long.