It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer
that we got this far
-Elton John, Can You Feel the Love Tonight
I am in awe. I am absolutely overwhelmed the outpouring of love and support you all have shown through comments left on this site, facebook, email, phone calls. I have been teary all day (umm, understatement of the decade), but when I realized there were nearly 50 messages here, I just couldn't stop the waterworks. Thank you.
Nearly every one of you said you were praying for us - and it's a darn good thing because my prayers have been pretty pitiful lately. I can't get past "Dear God - Help us! Help Jay!" I must have said those words a million times today. I truly just don't know how to pray right now. But I trust that God knows what I need when I don't know the words to ask, and that the words y'all are offering up for us, the positive thoughts you're sending this way are making a difference. I know that we wouldn't be holding it together at all without your love.
All the docs keep saying that it's been a good day. I guess they have a different standard for "good" than we do, but Jay has been very stable and all his vital signs are steady. And that is good. He's heavily sedated and has not opened his eyes. But he is responsive to touch ... sometimes too much so. He's very sensitive, and even just rubbing on his hand can make his blood pressure drop below the range the docs want to see, so we're trying to "look with our eyes." (That's totally the kind of thing I'd tell him when he tries to touch breakables that are in his reach!) His coloring is good, and he's making loads of pee, so his kidneys are working well. But it is VERY hard to look at him with all the lines and tubes coming out. I started to count, but decided that was not in my best interest.
Tonight Derek and I are staying in one of the Ronald McDonald House sleep rooms on the floor. It's just a tiny room with a bed, but it is close enough to be able to get to his bedside in a minute, but far enough away that we don't have to hear the unending "beep beep" of the monitor. (Heart moms, you can hear it now, can't ya?!)
There's not much news about how he's doing - truly, he's just resting and giving his heart a chance to recover from a big surgery and a really traumatic night last night. We covet your prayers for his complete healing, and for our peace in the midst of chaos. Thank you for caring about our journey.