Thinking about last night
-Traveling Wilburys, "Last Night"
All's well from the CICU. Jay was still a little "jumpy" last night when we finally went to the sleep room around midnight. He's on a few different meds to help him sleep & relieve pain, but the main one he was on (isoflurane) was a gas thru the ECMO circuit, so he can't get it anymore. Apparently some kids coming off iso get the shakes, and the poor baby has been shaking like a leaf. And it's breaking my heart.
It's funny what I can handle and what undoes me. Giant tubes of blood coming out his neck, running through a machine and back into his neck again? No biggie. Seeing a ventilator breathing for him? Eh, that's life in a hospital. The burn mark on his chest from where they shocked him during CPR? Makes me sick on my stomach. The sound of them suctioning spit out of his mouth? Sent me running from the room.
Jay's blood pressure did drop a bit during the night, and his temp did rise a bit as well. But they upped the medications a bit and gave him some Tylenol to bring the fever back down. And he seems to be settling back into a restful groove. I don't plan to really relax again. Ever. But I'm not planning to breathe until we're past the first 24 hours. He's still a very sick little boy.